I Can Trust In His Heart

A testimony by Queenie Lim-Ng

“Ovarian Cancer Stage 4.”

On 4 May 2021, my doctor, Dr Ben, broke the news to us. It was a surreal moment as my husband, Michael, and my daughter, Emma received the diagnosis.

However, God’s presence and peace equipped our family to accept the prognosis calmly.

As I began to slowly process what had happened insofar, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. I found myself giving thanks to God for He has sent me an answer for all the physical turmoil I was going through.

Before the diagnosis, I went through a battery of tests, scopes and scans. Initially, the doctors thought it was tuberculosis as there was no history of cancer in my family. Furthermore, I had 3 litres of fluid in my abdomen and 350ml of fluid in my lungs.

This new chapter of my life started with some discomfort in my abdomen. I visited a general practitioner who instructed me to go to A&E immediately. I did so. 

After a blood-cum-urine test and a 3-hour wait, I was told that there was nothing wrong with me. I was then discharged with some painkillers.

This scenario happened twice earlier. Once in January and another time in February.

In April, my condition was not getting better. Hence, I consulted a gastrointestinal specialist. Again, I was told that there was nothing wrong with me. However, to be sure, the doctor scheduled for an MRI scan and endoscopy in mid-May.

On the morning of 28 of April, Michael was narrating to his brother about my condition. Upon hearing that I had been ‘suffering’ for months, his brother urged us not to delay getting treatment. I thank God for using my brother-in-law as a catalyst to propel us to investigate my condition without further delay. 

Immediately, Michael googled for a specialist at Mount Elisabeth. We chose Dr Cheryl Lau even though we did not know her. Her day in her clinic was already packed with appointments yet she, very graciously, agreed to see me. I thank God for His favour upon me.

Upon feeling my bloated abdomen, Dr Cheryl knew instantly that something was wrong. Without any delay, she instructed her administrative assistants to arrange for all the necessary tests, scopes and scans. I was hospitalized immediately.

My 2-week stay in the hospital was very fruitful and time flew by very quickly. I even enjoyed my stay! The room was comfortable and I rested well despite tubes inserted in my abdomen, left lung, hands and arms.

I also underwent a biopsy keyhole operation and had my first in-patient 6-hour chemo infusion.

God’s grace was evident to me through all that I experienced in the hospital.

At home, my helper, Maricel, was a great help to me and my family. She manned the house efficiently and also took special care in preparing my meals.

Maricel was my tenant’s domestic helper. We never had a full-time helper prior to my diagnosis. When my tenant moved out with her children to a small unit, she asked if I wanted to employ Maricel. After some discussion, Michael and I said yes.

Looking back, I realised that our sovereign God had prompted us to keep Maricel.

Presently, I have completed 3 cycles of chemotherapy sessions. I am preparing for my extensive surgery scheduled for 27 July. It would be a total hysterectomy, omentectomy and peritonectomy. This surgery demands 4 specialised surgeons and 16 hours. Thereafter, I would be in the Intensive Care Unit for a week and hospital for a month.

Am I fearful regarding my impending surgery? Definitely. 

I am confident, however, that God’s word continues to be my source of strength, refuge and encouragement. I am also thankful to Dr Lim Sheow Lei, my ovarian oncologist, for taking such good care of me and the many people who are praying for me. The prayer warriors include my family and my fellow brothers- and sisters-in-Christ.

My clients, who have become my friends, have also joined in praying for me. Some of them are cancer survivors or have loved ones who survived cancer.

I have much to thank God for as I live with my cancer. Each day I am alive is a bonus for me. After more than 2 months of hospital stay, I felt so contented just to be able to have a breakfast at a coffeeshop or even to buy groceries at a supermarket.

In this current season of my life, I try to live out “for to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21, NKJV). Though I am poignantly aware that death is a stark reality for me, I am also blessedly assured that Jesus Christ is with me.

I remind myself that, though I am journeying with a small ‘c’ (cancer), I am cared for and cherished by the big ‘C’ (Christ).

I decided to share my testimony because I do not want my cancer to go to waste. Originally, I wanted to share after my surgery. But, as I prayed and pondered over it, I could not miss the opportunity to bear witness to His love and faithfulness in my life.

I look forward to sharing a second part of my thanksgiving should the Lord choose to preserve my life. My heart’s desire is to thank God even if He calls me home to Him during the surgery. I want to express my gratitude to God’s goodness to me regardless of the outcome of my surgery.

I have learnt a precious lesson that it is necessary for our faith to be tested through trials. It is my prayer that, after we emerge from the purifying furnace, we will become stronger and live more courageously for God.

My future seems unknown but I know my Heavenly Father knows, and holds, my future. God has already prepared the best for me and I can trust in His heart.

To God be all glory and praise!